This Gingerbread Man
© Cupideros, Saturday, June 17, 2006
Once long ago in the same neighborhood where the little old man and the little old woman in their little old house cooked the first Gingerbread Man lived a Good Witch who fed cookies and milk to lost and abandoned children. One day, she was baking another batch of tasty treats made from Sugar, Chocolate, Lemon, Macaroon, Butter and Brownie cookie dough mixes. Her normally neat kitchen was a tidy mess, but the Good Witch knew she'd cleaned it all up with one magic wand wave. She beat the batter with her wooden spoon inside her magic pan while she sang.
"May these tasty treats,
Make the children bleat
Never, never more.
Doughy magic sweets
Make their troubles retreat
Forever and ever more."
She put the batter on a wood plate and made a variety of pleasant shapes. With her sharp butcher knife, she went chop, chop cutting the batter into hearts and doves, books and balls, pinwheels and even lotus flowers. Why she even made a sun and a moon, but her special design above all was a Gingerbread Man four-foot tall.
She placed two cookie pans in the oven and turned the heat up high. For nearly an hour she watched the cookie dough and sang, "Oh how the children will love to devour…."
When the clock chirped, she hummed while removing the first cookie pan and turned to place it on the old wooden table. But when she turned back to remove the second cookie brands, she found the four-foot tall Gingerbread Man standing there wearing a very sour face.
He grabbed the butcher knife and wiped the dough on his gingerbread sleeve. "So you thought to feed me to lost or abandoned children to eat and devour," and he smiled. "We'll, here's my plan, Good Witch!" The Gingerbread Man dived through the open window, while the Good Witch stood astonished. As he ran on his swift little feet, he sang: "Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man! He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"
The Good Witch thought, "What went wrong?" Normally she’s clever and cool-headed but today she grew angry. She shook her head and washed her hands in the air and said, "My cookie creation cannot best me. Off she gave chase banging her wooden spoon on her magic pan and forgetting her magic wand.
The cows in a nearby pasture grazed and the Gingerbread Man felt famished. So he wiped his knife on his doughy sleeve and scattered the cows until he cornered one. The married Cow Owner careless and watching a pretty girl washing her clothes in a nearby creek. This Gingerbread Man made a fire for the Good Witch’s spell made him very bright.
***
Some ten minutes later, the Careless Cow Owner noticed his cow missing. He quickly followed the faint, lingering smell of roast beef near a cave.
"I Ah! I caught you thief," yelled the Careless Cow Owner.
But the Gingerbread Man wiped his bloody butcher knife on his sleeve and slashed his way forward out of the cave and ran for his life.
"You smell good," said the Careless Cow Owner. "I'll enjoy chomping you to bits."
As the Gingerbread Man ran with his swift little feet he sang, "Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man! He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children, the Careless Cow Owner or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"
The Good Witch followed right behind the Careless Cow Owner and told him all about this wayward Gingerbread Man.
***
Days passed and the Gingerbread Man slept peacefully near a sheep farm. The sheep grazed on the farm in a pen and made pleasant sounds waking the Gingerbread Man. He stretched said, "Hello sun it's going to be a good day," and then his stomach growled something fierce. "I'll chase a sheep down and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner."
And that's just what he did. He was lounging behind the hay bin when the Sleeping Sheep Owner noticed the last whiff of Gingerbread and roast lamb scent saucing the air. "Uggggh, I'll get the poacher who stole my wee little white sheep!" He ran about following his nose, until he found the Gingerbread Man holding his tummy and picking his teeth with a sheep toe bone.
"You smell good," The Sheep Owner said as he stomped forward to ring the Gingerbread Man’s neck. “I’ll enjoy gobbling you up.”
The Gingerbread Man whipped out his bloody butcher knife. "Stand back! If you know what's good for you, Sleeping Sheep Owner. If you'd been doing your duty, this never would have happened." And the Gingerbread Man dashed off inside the fields of gorgeous yellow corn stalks. The Sheep Owner picked up a pitchfork and gave chase.
As the Gingerbread Man ran with his swift little feet he sang, "Stop trying to catch the this Gingerbread Man! He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children, the Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"
The Cow Owner and the Good Witch followed right behind the Sheep Owner and told him all about this impudent Gingerbread Man.
***
Now the crafty Gingerbread Man sat hiding out for three days down by a pond having eluded the Careless Cow owner and the Sleeping Sheep owner and the Good Witch. Thirsty, he drank some water; but evening soon arrived. He hadn't a decent meal in three days. So he decided to catch one of the ducks.
"I would catch that ugly duck, but it is too far away. The Pretty Duck Father will have to satisfy my howling stomach."
In no time flat, using a fake Wife Duck sound, the Gingerbread Man lured the duck into a shrub and quickly killed him and plucked his feathers. He sat beside the tall tree nearby and roasted the duck over a small fire. "Ahhh, delicious. Not bad for a meal."
No sooner than he'd voice his chef's opinion, did the Duck's Wife come looking for her missing husband. "Dear Duck Husband, my loving pair. Come, come, your dinner is prepared."
She went all around the pond until she eyeing a strange figure sitting by the tree. She went closer and saw the duckbill stuck in the dirt. She gasped in horror and picked up a rock screaming, "I'll kill you!"
As the Gingerbread Man jumped and ran with his swift little feet he sang, "Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man! He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children, the Pretty Duck's Wife, the Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"
The Sheep Owner and the Cow Owner and the Good Witch heard the Wife Duck's screams and fell in line behind the Pretty Duck Wife and told her all about this sassy Gingerbread Man.
The Gingerbread Man dashed into a large mansion with well-manicured lawn full of man-shaped bushes. The bushes stood eight feet tall, but the Gingerbread man quickly went inside the lawn maze. "I'll lose them here for sure." He could hear the snapping footsteps and voices of the Pretty Duck Wife, the Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner and the Good Witch all pursuing. Once inside the maze for a minute, he realized how lost, lost, lost he was! In a hushed tone, he said, "Oh which way to go, which way to run!"
"Don't worry," said the Lady of the Mansion. "My bush lawn captured two criminals in the past. It'll catch your wicked Gingerbread Man too!"
"Oh, Cookies and Milk," whispered the Gingerbread Man in fear for the first time.
"Psst." said a tiny voice deep inside one of the squares of dark green bushes. "I know the way out, follow me," and a large Red Fox with a white tail poked his head out of the manicured shrubs.
"Lead the way, wise and sly fox," replied the smiling Gingerbread Man.
The fox scurried this way and that. He turned left, he circled around and all the while they heard the voices getting closer. The Gingerbread Man following, pulled out his long butcher knife and wiped it on his bloody sleeve. 'If he's leading me into a trap.' the Gingerbread Man thought.
On opening occurred in the bushes before a wide river. "There!" said the wise, sly fox.
Before the fox could turn around, the Gingerbread Man tucked away his butcher knife. "Thank you," the Gingerbread Man whispered.
The fox replied, "You can swim across, but I'm afraid you'll get all wet and die any way," and the sly fox put his paw to his jaw thinking. "Now if you crawled on my bushy white tail, I'm sure you could make it, dry as the sky."
The voices grew closer and the Lady of the Mansion, said, "They can't be far. Someone must be helping the wicked Gingerbread Man."
The Gingerbread Man crawled up on the fox’s white tail and they started across the gentle currents of the wide and deep river."
"Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man! He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children, the Lady of the Mansion, the Pretty Duck's Wife, the Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan!"
"There he is!" shouted the Lady of the Mansion.
"He's getting away!" cried the Pretty Duck's Wife.
"Whose going to pay for my lost sheep!" grumbled the Sheep Owner.
"Now I've lost my beef!" yelled the Cow Owner.
"That mean Gingerbread Man is going to escape from my pan to a new land!" added the Good Witch banging her spoon on her magic pan. “And what about all those hungry lost and abandoned children?”
The water got higher. "You'd better crawl up on my back," said the sly fox. We're halfway there."
The Gingerbread Man crawled up on the fox's back. The Gingerbread Man reached inside his coat and touched his knife as the fox navigated subtle currents with his paddling feet. The voices on the lawn grew faint and the Gingerbread Man whipped out his bloody butcher knife and saluted the crowd. They only saw a glint like a mirror as the Gingerbread Man hid the butcher knife behind his back.
The water began to wet the foxes lower back. "Hurry! Climb up on my nose and you'll be safer, Gingerbread Man."
"I knew you'd come through for me," replied this Gingerbread Man.
Just as the pair neared the shoreline, the Gingerbread Man brought his bloody butcher knife out, before the sly fox’s opening mouth. "Now you were not about to eat me? You, sly little fox."
The fox trembled in fear. "Of course not! I felt a yawn and my nose itched and I'm tired from swimming the river."
The Gingerbread Man flashed a knowing smile, "A yawn and an itch on your nose," he chuckled. He hopped off and slashed the throat of the sly little fox in one swift movement. "You're not much of a meal for my growling stomach, sly little fox, but you'll have to do." And the Gingerbread Man roasted the fox over an open fire and sang his song:
"Stop trying to catch this Gingerbread Man! He won't be eaten by the lost or abandoned children, the Lady of the Mansion, the Pretty Duck's Wife, the Sleeping Sheep Owner, the Careless Cow Owner or the Wicked Good Witch with her magic pan...and he'll be eaten least of all by the sly little fox with his poorly laid plan."
--THE END--
