PASSION FOR TINION (WIP Novel 120,000 words)
© Cupideros, October 21, 2006
CHAPTER 36: SPECULATION RELIGION LIVE!
© Cupideros, Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The CyberPages camera zoomed in on a happy squirrel-faced Caucasian woman and her coquette bob black hair sporting a bang across her forehead. Her gray eyes shined with brightness matching her constant happy smile. She an honest child at play. A petite woman, well-favored in her appearance. Modest figure from head to upper to lower body, her articulate, trumpeting English-sounding voice using simple, truthful words bringing 1 billion viewers from the two planets Gian and Tinon every Wednesday night. This philosopher, journalist, media phenom wows everyone. Gian, Galan and Quodarians loved her. Twenty-year old girls copied her fashions. People who wanted to hate Holo "Kitty" Gram loved her anyway. She was CyberPages media darling.
“This is Speculative Religion Live!” she shouted into the hand held microphone. “And I’m Holo “Kitty” Gram.” She taped the microphone twice on her petite wrist flesh below her black feminine blazer and pink blouse cuff, “I am not a Hologram!” The live audience roared, and CyberPage executive watched as the number of onliners watching her show rocketed through the roof.
The camera panned to the live audience. Holo “Kitty” Gram came back into the camera close up. “I say that, because, so many people are seeing these computer generated game women tap themselves on the arms saying, “I am a HoloGram!” Holo Kitty Gram’s grey eyes burrowed into the hearts of the online viewers, each one feeling like Holo “Kitty” Gram spoke to them alone. “I want you to know the difference. You know,” she was still in a camera close up, her happy cute squirrel face dominating the CyberPage screen, “on my show we always get to the heart-of-the-matter. John. John.” Holo Kitty Gram whispered to the audience still in her close up, “John gets nervous when we talk about controversial subjects. He’s my producer and when he gets nervous he drops his writing note board, listing the guests and time frames and such.” John drops his writing board. The wood clank sound permeates the set. Holo Kitty Gram says rather loudly, “But that is what this show is about. Speculative Religion Live! with Holo “Kitty” Gram.”
The camera pans backward and Holo Gram, her real name, sits in her chair on the left and we see four guests sitting on her right. The set is black, clean, and shiny. The guests are sitting in a row going downward, each still facing Holo Kitty Gram in her black flats, pressed women’s dress slacks and pink shirt blouse. “I have four religious group represented here tonight.” The camera pans on the first guest who stands. “Miss Ulani, am I saying that right? Ulani?”
“Yes, you’re saying it correctly.”
“As you can see, Priestess Ulani represents the Abyssarian Pure Faith. See, John get a camera shot of her clothes.” The camera pans a close up of the standing Priestess Ulani. “Her robe covers shoulders to toes in all black like the starry night, but, in the middle, in the middle we see the night has parted to reveal, a bright yellow sun, and just beyond that, we see Tinon, and beyond that Gian.” Holo Kitty Gram turns toward the audience again. “Isn’t that fascinating. We are all there together in her Abyssarian Robe, the largest faith around a whooping,” Holo Kitty Gram characteristically rising upwards as she made an important point, taking her articulate trumpeting voice with her, “Ninety percent of believers on the two planets. Our next guest is a member of the Kali Faith from India. She is wearing rather normal dress for a Gian woman. But I can assure you, audience, her views are just as radical as all the others. We’ll come back to you later, Ms. Skullduggery.” The woman nodded seriously before showering the camera with a warm efficient smile. The Islam Faith, which is, shall we say, slightly older in physical terms than Abyssarian, and less voluminous number wise but still around. Would you stand up Mr. Abu Botijar?” The camera pans his outfit, which is a rather drab looking one-piece robe, filled with Arabic script. “You see that Arabic script on the hem at the bottom and on his sleeve. That is all the Islam will allow one to show of their God. Finally, we have Mr. Radedus, representing Christianity, which represents 1% of the ten percent represented by all the previous mentioned faiths.” Holo Kitty Gram is in a tight close up camera view. “Tonight’s show,” as she turns to the guests for a brief second and turns back to the camera audience, “tonight’s show is for each member to explain their faith. Always remembering this is Speculative Religion Live.”
The camera pans to High Priestess Ulani. “Our faith believes in when you close your eyes there, you see not only your origin, but the origin of all that is and will be. There, in night's darkest pitch black is the Abyss, your true origin; Your only Mother and Father. Simply ask the Abyss to help you live, thrive and protect you as you likewise agree to learn from life.”
Holo Kitty Gram: And people wonder why this Abyssarian Faith has swallowed up the universes, old and new? Isn’t that simple? Holo Kitty Gram turned to the camera audience in her famous camera close up of her bob black hair with the short bang across her forehead. “Is it true, High Priestess Ulani, Gian believers, in their old faith, flocked to Abyssarism in droves once they heard it?”
High Priestess Ulani: Yes. Our faith is simple. It allows for many beliefs. It is in fact the oldest of all religions even if one has never heard of it before.
Holo Kitty Gram: Is that true? How so is it true? I for one am not a believer in any faith. Religion is outlawed here on Galan. We can be philosophers and talk speculatively about religion.
High Priestess Ulani: Even on Galan, we have many believers. It is not necessary to attend a church, temple, synagogue or Shrine in Abyssarianism. We believe in the Church of One.
John drops his note board.
Holo Kitty Gram: [In a camera close up whispers] Didn’t I tell you John, my producer, gets nervous. [Loudly to the live audience] But isn’t a church a church?
High Priestess Ulani: No. There is no building. No organization to adhere too. You simply close your eyes and say to the Abyss you are a follower. Then you try to learn from all of life’s complexities and joys.
Holo Kitty Gram: Are there no sorrows in the Abyssarian Faith?
High Priestess Ulani: Of course, but they are not to be made a meal of. Learn from the sorrows and difficulties. We paradoxically need good and bad to grow.
Holo Kitty Gram: [Smiles mischievously] I need my ratings to go down to grow? Is that, right, Priestess Ulani?
High Priestess Ulani: I should hope your ratings continue to grow. So many people cannot talk about religion at all, even where religion is free and open.
Holo Kitty Gram: But why would that be, in your opinion, High Priestess Ulani? Wait. John my producer has received a question from a CyberPage viewer. [Holo Kitty Gram turns to the live audience] Shall I read it, on the air? The audience cheers. John drops his note board. Everyone hears the klank sound. [Holo Kitty Gram turns to the camera audience in a close up] that can’t be good, John, dropping his note board again. [Loudly reading] ‘I loved watching your show these past five years, but it seems like your leading more and more into real religion. No one. I repeat, no one can, possibly know how someone else is doing in their religious faith. All religion is by nature either fraudulent or speculative. My question Holo Gram is: Do you believe religion is possible for a group of people?’ Dear Viewer. This show draws viewers from all believes, atheists, agnostics, from the two planets, because it is about Speculative Religion. Each person can only say for themselves whether they have Goddess or God. It is my view that religion in the old antiquated Earth sense is impossible. For as soon as one person says he has the truth, then the other people must be ardent liars. My show is for the discussion of religion. The only way to discuss religion properly is for us to accept religion only as a speculation. [Holo Kitty Gram flashed her big happy squirrel smile, her eyes lit up as she turned back to High Priestess Ulani] Isn’t that true Miss Ulani, High Priestess Ulani?
High Priestess Ulani: Absolutely true. Abyssarianism does not hold religion takes place because a group is in a building or have decided a council. Abyssarianism is true because each individual makes a personal commitment to the Abyss.
Holo Kitty Gram: And who knows what that personal commitment is, Dear Questioner. Do you? [The audience roars. Holo Kitty Gram is in a close up again, her bright grey honest eyes staring at each CyberPage individual.] Do you CyberPage viewers know what’s in Priestess Ulani personal commitment. I, for certain, do not know at all. But maybe our next guest does.
[The camera pans to Ms. Skulldaggery.]
Holo Kitty Gram: Miss Skulldaggery, is that a stage name or your real name?
Miss Skulldaggery: I represent the Kali religion. A religion holding the dark and light side of life is necessary. One should not see evil as a separate phenomenal from good, but as a balanced pair.
Holo Kitty Gram: But isn’t that Abyssarianism?
Miss Skulldaggery: Yes, and no. Abyssarian was started by the Last Prophet CE who left 3,500 sayings. He was a male, Last Prophet. If it was the Last Prophetess something, yes our religions would be the same.
Holo Kitty Gram: I glad you cleared that up. I had several CyberPage questions about that. Now, for imagery. Your clothes Miss Skulldaggery are rather normal looking. Don’t you have robes where a frightening looking woman is eating the entrails of a man, lying down defeated?
Miss Skulldaggery: Imagery is the fastest way through the neocortext to the mesocortext.
Holo Kitty Gram: Fastest way through the higher human mind to the reptilian animal mind for some of our newer or younger viewers.
Miss Skulldaggery: People can read religions books all day, attend services every Sunday and get no further in their understanding. They need an image to hold them fast.
Holo Kitty Gram: And men must be disemboweled to change? [Holo Kitty Gram smiles and laughs a bit.]
Miss Skulldaggery: Laughs. No but we must overcome our maleness, our aggressive tendency not to submit to a higher female awareness than ours. This is what the imagery means.
Holo Kitty Gram: And the skulls. Can I wear a necklace of skulls as a fashion statement?
Miss Skulldaggery: Laughs. You can do anything you want. I don’t know what your reasons are for wearing skulls or any imagery. If I was, say, Goddess Kali I might be offended.
Holo Kitty Gram: Does she offend easily, this Goddess Kali?
Miss Skulldaggery: Only to those she doesn’t like, who don’t listen.
Holo Kitty Gram: I am a great listener. So I shouldn’t fear, but why should I listen to Goddess Kali?
Miss Skulldaggery: We must overcome our fear of fear. Fear of change. This is the big fear we all face.
Holo Kitty Gram: I changed my hair cut five years ago and my ratings shot way up. So have I conquered my fears, Miss Skulldaggery?
Miss Skulldaggery: If I answered your question definitively Holo Kitty Gram that would be religion.
Holo Kitty Gram: [Shouting loudly] And this is Speculative Religion Live! I want to make a point. Truth is a conversation stopper. Speculation is a conversation stimulator. [She turns to the camera audience.] The Pritee-U1 box can old 1 million Director’s cut DVDs, to use old earth terminology. So why not start your own library by buying one? The cost is affordable and the unit is so easy to operate. It integrates with every electronic device in production, including CyberPages. Just click under the Buy Pritee-U1 box under my banner at CyberPages/SpeculativeReligionLive/Holo “Kitty” Gram show. [Holo Kitty Gram laughs] Seriously, you won’t remember all of my fascinating guests and what they said unless you archive the shows. Do yourself and your children a favor and buy a Pritee-U1 Box today. John! John! Oh my producer is sleeping in the back again. John rushes out and the camera catches him zipping up his pants. He picks up his note board and drops it immediately. He puts on his producer headphones.
John Producer: [Nervously] Did I miss anything Holo Gram?
Holo Kitty Gram: Our next guest’s name was Mr. Abu Botijar. Is that, right?
John Producer: [Nods] Yes.
Holo Kitty Gram: I always want to respect our guests. [Holo Kitty Gram turns to face Mr. Abu Botijar] You, you represent Islam?
Mr. Abu Botijar: Yes. I am the Imam. But this term is used differently for different branches of our faiths.
Holo Kitty Gram: The Imam is the caller out of prayers.
Mr. Abu Botijar: Or the leader of the Shiites.
Holo Kitty Gram: And do you believe only Islam holds the truth?
Mr. Abu Botijar: I believe one must submit to God and those who submit to God know God’s love and truth.
Holo Kitty Gram: Can a woman make a good Muslim?
Mr. Abu Botijar: Yes.
Holo Kitty Gram: Do you still make women wear those drab, from head to toes, clothes. Audience can you see me all covered up. What about my bright squirrel happy grey eyes? [Camera close up on Holo Kitty Gram’s pretty grey eyes] See what I mean, Mr. Abu Botijar?
Mr. Abu Botijar: The Last Prophet CE said woman is not sin; even a naked woman is not sin. Therefore, we Muslims have discarded women totally covering up. Of course for practical reasons, all of us want to wear some clothing.
Holo Kitty Gram: So when the Crete women went around bare-breasted in 3,500 BC, they were not being practical, Mr. Abu Botijar?
Mr. Abu Botijar: I do not know about Crete women.
Miss Skulldaggery: Why can men go bare chest and women can’t?
Mr. Abu Botijar: I do not … I guess because men would be distracted. Men in the Muslim faith should not go around with their chest uncovered.
Holo Kitty Gram: But isn’t that religion, Mr. Abu Botijar to suggests women distract men one hundred percent? Do we have any real facts, proofs, men can’t simply see women bare-breasted as women and not objects of super eroticism?
Mr. Abu Botijar: I did not come on here to discuss eroticism, but speculative religion.
High Priestess Ulani: Isn’t a woman’s body her own religion? What she does with her own Goddess or God?
Mr. Abu Botijar: I cannot say for others, but my religion, personally, a woman should remain clothed because it disrupts my ability to think.
Holo Kitty Gram: Is that truth? Are you saying my body, our female bodies, stop you, Mr. Botijar, from thinking?
[High Priestess Ulani, takes her robe down half way to her belly button. John gets very excited because he is told in his earpiece the ratings have gone into fireworks levels] You still remember, I am a High Priestess now, Mr. Abu Botijar?
Mr. Abu Botijar: Yes, you are of the Abyssarian Pure Faith.
[Miss Skulldaggery pulls her blouse over her head and lays in her lap.] Mr. Abu Botijar can you still respect my religious beliefs now that I’m bare-breasted?
Mr. Abu Botijar: [Laughs after looking. Seems embarrassed.] I do not--see why not. Many believers can hold paradoxical views. Isn’t that the nature of religion?
[Holo Kitty Gram looks to her producer John. He bobbles his note board but catches it, then he drops it with a klank.]
Holo Kitty Gram: What about me Mr. Abu Botijar? Am I a representative of female distractive powers or can you still answer questions on Speculative Religion Live! [Holo Kitty Gram looks naughtily into the camera audience as the camera moves in closer past her B size naked breasts to her face close up.] Women have the right to be free in a speculative sense as men.
Mr. Abu Botijar: Yes I can. I believe each person is loved rather naked or clothed.
Holo Kitty Gram: What about you Mr. Radedus, representing Christianity at one percent?
Mr. Radedus: [Laughs] Jesus hung naked on the cross….I don’t see why God would be offended. Of course, neither can I say definitively God is not offended either.
Holo Kitty Gram: He makes a good point for the one- percent community. Is this why Christianity has dwindled so, Mr. Radedus, it doesn’t respect women’s ability to do what they want?
Mr. Radedus: Many reasons exist for Christianity’s decline. Changing mores and a sense Goddess or God are readily accessible outside of church buildings.
Holo Kitty Gram: Then you’re leaning toward Abyssarianism?
Mr. Radedus: I would not say that. The Last Prophet said many good things about Jesus. He said Jesus was one of the sons and daughters of God like we are on this stage, in the audience and on CyberPages. He said Jesus was higher on the sons and daughters scale.
Holo Kitty Gram: Really! I don’t understand how all those people from 400 AD to—and John is not only my Producer, but my fact man, too. John how long before Christianity petered out? [Laughs and audience joins her in laughing].
John: About 2,000 AD.
High Priestess Ulani: By 2,000, AD Christianity was effectively dead standing on its feet. Like Roman’s religion was dead by 200 AD but did not fall until about 400 AD.
Holo Kitty Gram: How can those people stare at a man pizzaed to a cross and believe him, if he never once did the whooky nooky?
Miss Skulldaggery: The Holy Nooky, because we believe a woman’s body is the divine.
Holo Kitty Gram: I like that the [her articulate voice trumpets upward] Holy Nooky.
High Priestess Ulani: [Laughs] The old Input and Output!
Holo Kitty Gram: Like the young twenty-year-old girls say. [Smiling and laughing] He couldn’t stand “Their Heat.” [Holo Kitty Gram is in her cute squirrel face close up.] Is it Jesus couldn’t stand a woman’s heat? Seriously, didn’t this Jesus—and I believe he was a good man—didn’t he once go behind some cave, with one of those Mary’s, not his Mom, didn’t he get some from a Mary! Any non-relative related Mary!
Miss Skulldaggery: The one-hand sticky donut avoids the issue.
Holo Kitty Gram: [Makes a one-hand sticky donut. She laughs.] Is that all women really are? Bare-breasted like us three with a one-hand-sticky donut stuff up inside our bodies. Ladies call in to CyberPages/SpeculativeReligionLive/Holo “Kitty” Gram show and lets us know if women are just a sticky donut! John…John says the webphones overloaded, denying women and girls are just, um, one-hand sticky donuts. The women and girls have spoken. [Holo Kitty Gram stands up and moves to a close up] Women and girls [her articulate voice trumpets upward] are not just sticky-donuts! Mr. Radedus, I’m truly puzzled. Why is it a man doing the one-hand sticky donut becomes a saint, [her voice trumpets upward] or a divine God, but a woman doing the four-finger honeypot and screw, you girls know what I’m talking about—
Hight Priestess Ulani: [Laughs] Playing soccer ball with her clit.
Holo Kitty Gram: Precisely—but a woman doing the four-finger honeypot and screw is always accused of reading SLAG or porno books?
Mr. Radedus: [Laughs] I do not know, Holo Kitty.
Holo Kitty Gram: Why doesn't she become a saint or Goddess in male religions?
Mr. Radedus: [Laughs harder] I do not know, Holo Kitty. I can safely say Jesus, the first male feminist, respected women.
Holo Kitty Gram: A feminist--who avoids doing the naughty nasty twist with women—a feminist! Honesty! How can you truthfully say Jesus really was human? Men and boys go mad for sex with a female once they’ve had it.
High Priestess Ulani: Sex with any female human.
Holo Kitty Gram: Any human female Priestess Ulani? You mean even a cute squirrel face, grey eyes darling like me?
High Priestess Ulani: Speculatively yes. Although you are very cute indeed from Abyssarian male’s description of you to me, and John confirmed their view. [High Priestess Ulani smiles.]
Holo Kitty Gram: Oh, Ulani, you can’t trust John. John is my husband, High Priestess Ulani.
Miss Skulldaggery: John, can Holo Kitty Gram do the Nooky Wooky well? Is she a real woman?
John: [Dropping his note pad. Klank. He picks it up.] Holo Kitty Gram is 100 percent woman.
Holo Kitty Gram: [Looks aslant into the camera from far away] John speaks about sex audience not religion. Isn’t that right, Husband John?”
John: Nods. I’ve always wondered about Jesus. I know he wasn’t gay. He let Mary Magdalene hang around him all the time.
Holo Kitty Gram: This is fascinating. Mr. Radedus, you’ve--
***
At Calun, Galan, Rolith, in his ritzy home watching his CyberPages, calls Legonadel. “You watching the Holo Kitty Gram show?
Legonadel said slowly, “Yes. Yes.”
“She is smooth.”
Legonadel said, “She’s a good agent. Excellent way to disentangle religion on two planets, Rolith.”
“She’s got all those religious fools swallowing hard to say they don’t believe in any truth.”
***
In QSA Headquarters, Lady Lomara and Jaine are watching the Holo Kitty Gram show in Jaine’s plush office. “I didn’t know she would be this good, Lady Lomara.”
“She’s right up to the edge--our double spy.”
“She’s way better than Pantherwoman verses Orangesqueezeman. Perhaps, she’s a triple spy?”
Lady Lomara chuckled, “Gianians would gain a lot by supporting her, too?”
“I bet Queen Morah dragged Lord Tweezer in front of her CyberPages to watch Holo Kitty Gram.”
“And he’s gloating. Seeing Queen Morah avidly take in all this atheist, agnostic nonsense. He thinks we’re falling for their disbelief system.”
Jaine laughs. “What happens when Galan falls? Does Holo’s show go on?”
“She’s an Abyssarian Pure. The Last Prophet CE said, “Abyssarian Pure--the last believers to quit the faith.”
“She’ll go one as before, Lady Lomara?”
“Why not, she’s saying truth. Abyssarians believe in the Church of One. You and the Abyss. All else is speculation, church organization and politics.”
“Rolith doesn’t know that though.” Jaine laughed.
“Rolith knows only Improper Psychology. How could he ever understand? People can do paradoxical things and still be speaking truth.”
***
Laughing Heather Vesuvius call her best friend Oritia, a Vietnamese, doing a student exchange program in Waerllan, Gian, “You watching the Holo “Kitty” Gram Show?
Fourteen-year-old Oritia laughing, trying to talk. “Yes. It’s—so,” giggling harder. “Ahum. It’s so fucking funny. Holo “Kitty” Gram is one crazy bitch.”
***
Mr. Radedus. I do not understand what you, mean Holo Gram.
Holo Kitty Gram: [Turns to bare breasted High Priestess Ulani.] He doesn’t understand.
High Priestess Ulani: [Starts to say something, stops, and laughs.]
John Producer brings out a large four-tiered wedding cake with a man and woman holding hands on top, the tiny couple is dressed in black and white. On the tray is a large silver sword.
Holo Kitty Gram: [Looks into the camera in a close up. Her small nose and lips near the bottom of the screen.] No bullshit. No fake polite discussions. [She whispers] we get to the heart-of-the-matter. [The camera pans back for a mid-shot and we see Holo Kitty Gram, still bare-breasted, her pink blouse turned down covering the top of her sleek black dress pants, her youthful white skin contrasting against the black stage floor and she is holding the shinning large sword.] The heart-of-the-matter is [she raises the large sword and cuts fast, but not swiftly, between the toy couple, down into the large cake into the center. She pushes the table sideways and it splits naturally into a V because it was a special table. The camera shows the cutting from the open part of the cake split down to the center stops at a hidden whole peach. Holo Kitty Gram spears the peach and raises it on the tip of her sword and shows it to the camera.] Abyssarians claims male and female are one. Thus if Jesus did not know a woman, Jesus didn’t experience life as a human. We all know the Last Prophet CE experienced a human life. This is the heart-of-the-matter on Speculative Religion Live! I will say it. [Close up camera view of Holo Kitty Gram’s smiling eyes as she raises up a little in that articulate trumpeting tone] How can anyone believe he understood us sex driven mad people? [Holo Kitty Gram shakes the cake soiled sword and peach on top of it.] Mr. Radedus, Did Jesus ever fuck a woman or not? Was he really a man?
Mr. Radedus: [Is floored with embarrassment.] I cannot—we—he was as human as the rest of us, our scriptures say.
High Priestess Ulani: [Leans past Miss Skulldaggery’s bare breasts to see Mr. Radedus] This is why Christianity is a fading religion. It holds truth to avoid truth. If a man comes to earth and doesn’t have sex with a woman, how can he truly say he knows what the human condition is, Mr. Radedus?
Miss Skulldaggery: Mr. Radedus, Buddha had a wife before he discovered Buddhism. Krishna fooled around with the Cowherd women. Did Jesus know Mary Magdalene or any woman?
Mr. Abu Botijar: Mohammed had several children!
Mr. Radedus: Speculatively I must say that he did.
Holo Kitty Gram: But wouldn’t that make Jesus a sinner!
Mr. Radedus: [Frustrated] Jesus was perfect say our scriptures.
High Priestess Ulani: Didn’t Jesus say no man on earth is good?
Mr. Radedus: He referred to those who were criticizing him. Not to himself.
Holo Kitty Gram: So Jesus never fucked?
Miss Skulldaggery: A man cannot fully know the passions of men unless he has had a woman.
Holo Kitty Gram: What, John? Our ratings beyond the fireworks celebration of last New Year. [Close up camera view on the charming face of Holo Kitty Gram.] See what I mean. In speculative religion, we can ask anything and not get into a fight. We can really get to the truth of the matter. Next week audience and all you billions of people on Cyberpages, we’ll be discussing How to Teach Men to Make Soup. Yes, the famous pillow book written by Queen XI’I.
Miss Skulldaggery: The Kamasutra revealed everything sensual and sexual between a man and woman thousands of years before Queen XI’I.
High Priestess Ulani: Tantra Sex manuals date back to Kamasutra times.
Holo Kitty Gram: Ladies. In tonight’s show we found out some men, just can’t stand a woman’s heat. Do you really, really believe a man knows how write about how we, one-handed sticky donuts, want to make love? [Holo Kitty Gram turns to the camera in a final close up.] See what I mean Cyber audience. On my show, we can talk honestly about anything, because this is [louder] Speculative Religion Live! With Holo Kitty Gram! Tune in next week as I tackled speculative truth about How to Teach Men to Make Soup. [Camera goes off. CyberPage viewers see a large selection of arrows popped up on the video: SEND TO, REPLY, ARCHIVE.
End Chapter 36